mGa KuRo-KuRo Ni Ka UrO

Monday, May 26, 2008

Migrant Tales - Kwento ni NB

With the expiration of his work permit fast approaching and still no firm job offer, NB begins to doubt himself and contemplates on going back home. One obstacle after another can often break one's spirit. It is during those situations that one feels it easier to give up than to carry on. But it is also during those situations that you'll find that some luck, a little support from strangers and a regathering of one's determination can often be the difference between failure and success.
Early this year I had a valid work permit running, as I do now, however time was running out on my employer. It was going through dire straits, and I was one of the few employees remaining in the office. Partly for loyalty and gratitude but also because, my WP being one limiting which employer I could work for, I didn't have much choice but to stay on.

My worst fears were confirmed when the company folded late Feb. Like some of our kababayan, my meager Filipino credentials were not suited to the Kiwi setting and though I have had a rich resume of varied jobs and work experience, I found myself turned down, one job after the other, nahilo ako sa rejection.

Redemption came in the form of a miracle referral, when a compassionate Pinoy who remembered me asking around for a job rang me, saying there was an opening in their company.

Incredibly, NO qualifications were necessary, since all training was to be provided, and even more incredibly, training included "guild qualifications" that, once attained, could be helpful in the event of an Expression of Interest under the Skilled Migrant Category. All I needed to do was show up and apply for the position. Wow.

It was here where a series of delays served to frustrate me and cast doubt on whether I could go through the gauntlet of staying in NZ beyond my WP's expiry.

First, I lost my passport. I went through the employer's application process and got accepted, and though the employer initially didnt see the loss as a problem, the prospect of reapplying for a new passport and the hassles associated with it raised issues later as the employer's admission procedure would be lengthened.

Fortunately, I found my passport a week later but all the same, a week had passed. I almost didn't start but, the training being extensive, started one week after i was hired.

Again, I just couldn't get a break. After only four days, it was found out that my medicals needed to be renewed under work permit policy, and more disappointingly, my immigration consultant warned me that until I had a new WP, I couldn't work for any other employer except the one that had already gone under. The egg couldn't come before the chicken, despite my new employer's best intentions.

So I left abruptly (midday) on just my fifth day with my new employer, almost crushed but still determined to get a new WP. This started the second delay. At least, I had time to take a new physical.

Incidentally, even before that I had already been declared good to go by the company's own physical. From their resume check, I also had no ACC claim pending, no criminal record, and didn't care that I had to join the union, all elements important to the employer. Too good to be true nga eh, on both sides.

Of course, I had to wait another 10 days to find out what I already knew: I was in good health, physically fit, and agile enough to hold up to the requirements of the job, which involved going up and down stairs, a bit of running from time to time, and prolonged periods of standing. Desperation and urgency are good incentives to keeping fit pala.

Guess what? After completing my physicals and submitting my WP application, my application papers were returned just a week after, with a note stating that I had no qualifications or experience necessary under NZ policy. The letter furnished by the employer offering to provide all training was ignored. Another week's delay.

Fortunately, a second and more enlightened V.O. took note of the letter and the fact that all of the employer's new hires did not require experience, and six weeks after I was engaged for work, I finally got my new work permit. The day I received the package, I was already starting to make plans going home, to disappointment of family and friends, and worse, to my own disillusionment. Amazingly, the package was even delivered by a Pinoy courier, who winked at me saying, "mukhang good news, kabayan."

During those six weeks, I admit I had my darkest doubts on whether or not I could stay here, and even though I had earlier resolved to stay under the most trying of circumstances, I never knew if I could ever stay beyond the 30th of June, the last day of my old WP.

It appears I have been given a second chance here. I join those AKLnzPINOY members who say that, for good or ill, we have been adopted (or are trying to be adopted) by this overachieving little country, and for as long as we stay here, we can say nothing bad about it. Otherwise, nothing stops us from returning home, in my case, returning to little or no opportunity.

That's my little tale. Pasensya na po kung medyo mahaba.

Mabuhay ang AKLnzPINOYs ! Kudos to the organizers and moderators, you do the Filipino community an excellent service. Probably more than you will ever know.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Migrant Tales - Kwento ni CB, isang CPA Lawyer

It is a known fact that migrant lawyers, accountants and doctors are often under-employed in New Zealand. So why still migrate to New Zealand? Read what CB, a CPA Lawyer had to say about this.


I am a CPA Lawyer in the Philippines. Had a promising career back home. I even declined an offer to work as a Tax Lawyer for one of the top banks in the Philippines because they were much interested with my connections rather than my ability. I got disappointed and frustrated with the corruption. Up to now, it makes me sick.

I have always been an idealistic person. I have always wanted to be a lawyer since I was a kid. When I finally became one, I was shocked with the realities of law practice in the Philippines.

Corruption is one of the compelling reasons why my family and I decided to emigrate from the Philippines.

My family and I have been here for 7 months now. We received our residence permits late last year. We immigrated to New Zealand under the Work-to-Residence Permit (6 months).

Settling here was tough. But, we came prepared. Before coming here, we armed ourselves with "sensible" information and the right attitude. We knew that we will encounter challenges and difficulties. We also relied on our FAITH.

My husband and I both resigned from our work and decided to come here together with our son. We arrived in Auckland in July last year. We do not have relatives or close friends in New Zealand. We stayed for 2 weeks with my husband's former officemate. It was a big risk coming here all at the same time under a 6month-WTR.

On our first week here, my husband was able to get a job that satisfied all the conditions set by the NZ Immigration. We found a place in the North Shore and bought a car. We enrolled our son in a nearby public kindergarten.

Since most of our belongings were still on their way to Auckland, we had to sleep on an inflatable bed. We survived winter with no heater (we just all cuddled up under our duvet =)). We had no couch, no television. We just had a monobloc table and 4 chairs my husband bought from a garage sale for only $5. We rented out a fridge and washing machine from an appliance rental shop. I had to do most of the household chores. This was a big adjustment from having "assistants" back home. It was different from what we were used to in the Philippines. But, we never complained. It was one of the happiest moments of our lives.

Now, we have brand new furnitures and appliances. Some we bought in cash, some by installment. In the Philippines, you can only experience this if you're extremely rich or if you just got married (wedding gifts). We're also proud to say that we have gained new friends

When we realized that our medicine supply is running low, we scheduled an appointment with the nearest Filipino GP. It came as a surprise but I learned that I am entitled to subsidised consultations, laboratory exam, and even my blood test supplies for my blood sugar (I am a diabetic). They even have what they call "green prescription" where people get support(not financially) to be fit and healthy. My son is entitled to free vaccinations and subsidised consultations and prescriptions. One can avail more if they have a community service card. These are from the taxes we pay to the government. In the Philippines, do we have this?

From the email Anthony Taberna received from his friend, it was mentioned that doctors, lawyers and nurses are underemployed in New Zealand. This may be true. This is because there is still a need to get a license to practise their profession here. This information is not new. One can easily learn this by reading the immigration policy. BUT the email failed to mention that we already have Filipino lawyers, doctors, dentists, engineers and nurses who are practising their profession here. I have friends who are in the process of obtaining their license to practice law in NZ. I, for one, am taking steps in that direction. The professionals mentioned in the email are underemployed in NZ probably by choice.

There are so many things I miss in the Philippines. But the things I DO NOT MISS from the Philippines far outnumber the things I miss.

I am hoping and praying that one day, I will be able to do what I love doing (International Tax) without having to succumb to pressure from personal gain. It is just unfortunate that I will never attain this in the Philippines.


Saturday, March 01, 2008

Migrant Tales From Pinoyz2nz - Kwento ni JD

"And when I had an overseas call to my son, he asked me bakit ako naglilinis ng floor sa Mcdo? I told him we loved them so much that we are doing these sacrifices for them. - JD". Nabasa niyo na yong kwento ni Ivy sa nakaraang post. Heto naman ang equally inspiring at makabagbag-damdaming narration ng experiences ni Jun Dandoy in his own words.

Much is said about this topic "is it true,mahirap buhay sa Nz?" And we read different views and opinions both from people na "nandun na at mga papunta pa lang dun." Well for us who have experienced the "best of both worlds", we can only share our personal experiences in order for some Pinoys to have a glimpse of what's in store for "your decision to migrate" and leave your native land. And in order to lighten up the spirits of those undecided pinoys, here's my life story (buhay NZ, ika nga).

My wife and I started to entertain the idea to migrate to NZ sometime in 2003. But we only got serious in 2005 when (Immigration NZ) INZ replied to our queries and started to lodge our application. Si Mrs ang masigasig mag-inquire thru on line (since office work siya - madami siyang time and ako field work- Sales & Distribution-South Luzon Coke) and at one point I asked her, "baka scam yan?" We even tried the services of Mheta but since malaki-laki sinisingil nya, nagduda na kame and applied on our own. Year 06 Dec when we were interviewed by the famous Frrrannccesss Wuuu- hu-hu-hu? in Makati city (kase nag coup d'etat sa Thailand noon).

Got our WTR-2yrs last Mar'07 and flew to Christchurch (CHCH) July'07. We left our kids muna with my in-laws sa Ilocos Sur. Ang dalang baon namin bukod sa sang-katerbang damit, ay yung pinagbentahan ng auto ko (P85k), tibay ng loob, determinasyon at dasal sa May Likha. I didn't pay much attention to the forum (Pinoyz2nz) then (kase kanya-kanya opinion), tsaka gumugulo lang sa isip ko, eh.

We both stayed at my cousin's farm in Hokitika for 2 weeks and we met some members of the West Coast Filipino Community. They were all very hospitable & gave us microwave, iron, TV, plato atbp. Sang ka pa? Libre kagamitan. While staying in the farm doing nothing and watching the cattle fall in line in the shed to have their precious milk extracted, we applied on-line announcing that we are already here in CHC. We received several mails (telling us that our appli is unsuccessful), so we went to Greymouth and tried our luck there. Kumain lang kame sa McDo Greymouth at nag-dare-ran lang na what if we apply here? We asked the service crew if they have job openning & was referred to their owner/manager (Indian guy) & after some very short chat, he asked if we can start right away!?

Dito na nagsimula ang kalbaryo namin to have a "local experience". Since baguhan lang ako, these kiwis always pick on me & told me to do this & to do that? Utusan ako. Habang nag-mop ako ng kitchen, halos ma-iyak ako (kase di-katulong ako sa Pinas). And when I had an overseas call to my son, he asked me bakit ako naglilinis ng floor sa Mcdo? I told him we loved them so much that we are doing these sacrifices for them. There is also an instance wherein I was tasked to collect/pick-up the rubbish inside & outside the Mcdo premises. Gigising ako ng maaga para pulutin lang mga upos ng sigarilyo at wrappers ng mcdo. Sa isip-isip ko, pinag-aral ako ng mga magulang ko sa Unibersidad ng Santo Tomas, tapos yayo lang ang work ko d2? All this for an $11.25/hr job, not bad kung mag-coconvert ka. Siempre, mega-compute kame how much kikitain namin for a week, for a month, etc. We tried to save our small earnings by not buying unecessary things. Dahil hindi sanay hindi kumain ng kanin, nagsimula kaming mag-bread na lang para tipid.

I aso applied & was hired as grocery assistant at Grey New World supermarket. Yung work na hindi gagamitan ng college degree, mag-fill ka lang ng grocery shelves (merchandizer). Tanung ko, pang-PR na ba ito? Sales ako sa Pinas, eh merchandising work lang ito? So, parang malabo maging skilled work? Bale pan-dagdag na lang ito sa CV as local experience. We celebrated my wife's bday last Aug'07 without our kids by our side and it made our journey more lonely. Lungkot ang kalaban mo. I had these two odd-jobs until Oct'07 because lady-luck struck & gave me a break last Sept'07.

I was shortlisted by one of the companies I applied for in the newspaper. It was an Australian firm doing business in NZ & soon I found myself booked for a business trip(training) in Melbourne, Australia & another week in Auckland Sales office, then back to Chc (last wk of Oct'07). And during that business trip to Melbourne, last Oct10'07 is my youngest son's bday. Nasa ilocos silang magkapatid, nasa Greymouth asawa ko('coz she's still working sa Mcdo Grey) at ako naman nsa Melbourne for my training. Hiwa-hiwalay kaming mag-anak. Diba nakakalungkot? Pero kasama sa sacrifices natin yan. Dasal ang ginawa ko and wished we will be re-united with our beloved kids soon.

After serving and proving my worth to the company for three months, I was confirmed as a regular/permanent staff. So, I submitted my third month payslip requirement of Immigration NZ and received a letter of approval (conversion of WTR to PR). Then we submitted our passports and have it stamped last Jan.23'08 (barely 6 mos upon arrival last Jul25'07). Together with our passports, they send also our CD interview with Frances Wu. So I pressume whatever you declared during your interview, dapat yun ang maging permanent work mong i-declare sa immigration officer assigned to you dito sa Chc. So, kung tugma yung sinabi mong gusto mong work na a-applyaan at yun na ang present work mo, the Ofcr will probably grant your conversion (WTR to PR) without questions asked. Tinawagan lang nila employer mo just to confirm your status with the Company, then yun na- tatak kaagad ng PR passport mo.

Along the way, we met a lot of nice and supportive friends in Chc who helped us adjust to our new life here. Meron dyang patutuluyin ka ng libre sa flat nila, kase pinag-daanan nila ang dinadaanan mo ngaun. Ganun lang talaga buhay ng migrant, handang mag-sacripisyo sa lahat ng mga bagay-bagay. Wag ka nang mag-inarte dito. Iwan mo sa Pinas mga di mabubuting ugali.

Lastly, kukunin na namin mga anak namin next month at hindi na sila dadaan sa ahensya ng gobyerno, para wala ng kuskos-balungos. Para wala ng pahabol s'men gov't. Thank you sa mga tumulong regarding this issue.

I do hope this experience of ours will inspire others who seek this so-called "New Zealand dream". Kung kaya namen in less than 6mos, kaya nyo rin yan mga kababayan. Konting tiis lang at pasencya at buo dapat ang loob mo-tutal ginusto mo itong pag-migrate in the first place, di ba?

Indeed, the Lord knows how sorely we miss our kids back home. Kaya He made all these things happening to our lives.

Goodluck to all!

Jun Dandoy
CHC

Monday, February 25, 2008

Migrant Tales From Pinoyz2nz - Kwento ni Ivy

Sari-saring mga experiences ng mga new migrants ang nababasa ko sa Pinoyz2nz. Malungkot man o masaya, lahat pwedeng pagkunan ng aral, impormasyon, at inspirasyon. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit naisipan kong ibahagi ang ilan sa mga kwentong migrante dito sa aking blog. Uumpisahan ko ang series na ito sa kwento ni Ivy.

In my personal experience sa pakikibaka in migrating to NZ, madami din po akong pinagdaanan na struggle. Pero sabi nga ng karamihan sa atin, dasal lang and eventually you'll reap the fruit of your labor.


Para na ikaluluwag naman ng loob para doon sa mga naghahanda pa lamang na makamtan ang NZ Dream, ako ay isa sa mga magpapatunay kung ano ang naidulot na kabutihan sa aking ng NZ. Hindi po sa pagmamayabang (im sharing this para naman mabuhayan ng loob ang mga desidedo talagang makarating dito sa nz). Again, my experience may not be applicable to Juan nor to Maria

Here is my story:

1. I visited NZ sometime 1996 (KU: correction, I think this should be 2006) as tourist. At that time, it was 12 months in the waiting ako sa application process, just lodged ITA. I was only granted with LPV. I tried my luck in applying jobs. Got several interviews but wala akong swerte noon. Hindi ako natanggap, tho, muntikanan na. Alam ko may kulang pa ako na skills...skills of good NZ english communication (ang hirap intindihin kase salita nila) and what nz employers want to hear from job applicants. Kaya uwi po ako ng Pinas bago mag-expire ang 1-month
visitors visa ko.

2. After 1 month back sa Pinas, I was scheduled for interview by my VO. We were the 1st batch na sa Pinas nagconduct ng interview ang mga Visa Officers. Take note, hindi po ako nagresign muna sa job ko when I left for NZ. So tama ako, may binalikan pa ako na job.

3. After a month, I got AIP-PR, biglang PR baga. Hindi ko po ini-expect yun. Luck nga kaya yun? Seguro, since si ML ang VO ko, na sabi nila mabait & very considerate si ML. Ano raw ang factor why I got outright PR? Kase, nag-visit daw ako sa NZ, so na-i-relate ko ng maigi sa VO ko yung how well am I prepared to migrate to NZ. Sipag din seguro, kase nag-research ako sa tulong
ng madaming members dito sa group na to, sila ang nagbigay sa akin ng tips (lalo na yung kelan lang na-grant nya ng outright PR before me). Eto yung sinasabing, "do your homework".

4. One month after, fly na po ako with my daughter sa NZ. Wow! exciting! Sa wakas wala ng balikan ito!

5. Naku, almost 2 months na po ako dito sa NZ noon hindi pa po ako makahanap ng work related to my job. Bakit??? Sa kagustuhan kong may pagkakitaan, nag-apply ako ng mga temping job. Yun bang on-call ka kung may need na odd job sa mga company na hawak nung agency. Hayyy, minsan tinawag ako for a job. Sa isang big wholesaler store. And ang work ko for the week? Magpupulot po ng emptied cartons sa shelves! Grabe...naiiyak ako dahil sa Pinas manager
po ako ng malaking warehouse! And now tagapulot ng carton? Sabi nung friend ko, bakit ko daw sobrang pinababa sarili ko. Basta pray lang ako.

6. At last, may tawag sa akin for interview in the same industry where i was working back sa Pinas. Nag-research ako. Sabi ko, this time, I should be accepted. And tama ako, I got Job offer. A big Luck? seguro, kase hindi ko inaasahan yung salary offer sa akin na mas mataas as to what I was expecting.

7. In 2 month's time working with the company, I got pay rise. Unexpected din po ang % increase ko. Praise to God!

8. Monetary wise, in less than 3 months working, I was able to save money katumbas ng nagastos ko sa pag-aapply sa NZ. Aside sa nakabili din po ng kotse. Yung, 15 years ko po sa pagtratrabaho sa Pinas, naipon ko lang po dito sa NZ in 3 months time. Baka hindi po kayo maniwala pero totoo yun. (Kase mahirap po makaipon sa Pinas, un ang totoo...)

9. In 12 month's time, nakabili po ng sariling bahay.

Sana po huwag panghinaan ng loob ang ilan sa atin na nasa Pinas pa. Try your luck, do your homework. Kung may hirap....may ginhawa na naghihintay sa atin.

cheers and more strength to hold on for those who are in struggling times
now....

ivy

Monday, January 15, 2007

For Pinoy Migrants and Tourists to NZ

I'm not resuming my blogging yet. However, I've considered Bogs's suggestion for me to compile all my previous posts that may be useful to migrants and tourists to NZ into a book. Sorry I don't have the resources to do that, but I'm doing here the next best thing. I've listed them below and tried my best to categorized each one.

Just a disclaimer though that any information derived from these posts should not be taken as professional or legal advice. Furthermore, some of the information provided may already be out of date and therefore could be inaccurate.

Still Deciding on Migrating to NZ

Migrants BEWARE!

Some Useful Information about NZ

Moving to NZ

Migrant Experiences

Life at Home

Interacting with Others

Cars and Driving Around

House Buying, Flat Renting

Kids and Schooling

Life in Auckland

Language

Buying Stuff

Cellphones, Calling the Phillipines

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Traveller Rests

Two years of blogging with 268 posts, I believe I've said about everything I've wanted to say and have accomplished lots of things I never even planned for. When I first started this blog back in December 2004, I thought of it as a journey with no specific destination. Where it was going to take me, I have not the slightest idea back then. I first intended it to be mainly a journal of my thoughts and ideas, in the hope of leaving something to the people I love the most. But the journey had twists and turns. And just like the "Little Prince", the journey took me to places I never imagined before, met new friends, rediscovered old ones, and even got me involved in civic projects and organizations.

But now it's time to take a rest from this journey; perhaps to fully appreciate the view before I embark on another. For now, I wish to thank all those I've met along the way. And I'm just happy to have touched the lives of other people (hopefully in a good way), and I thank them for having touched mine too. You all made the journey an enjoyable and memorable one. Wishing you all the very best for the coming new year and years to come and hoping to meet you all again someday... somewhere.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Pagiging Totoo - When it becomes an Excuse, not a Virtue

Kapag galit ako sa isang tao, pinararamdam ko”, “Nagpapakatotoo lang ako”, “Hindi ako plastik”, “Totoo akong tao”. Madalas kong marining/mabasa ang mga pananalitang ito mula sa ibang blogger kapag sila’y may nakaka-samaan ng loob dito sa blogosphere. Para sa mga blogger na ganito ang pananaw walang masama kung murahin nila o magbitiw sila ng mga masakit na pananalita laban sa mga taong kagalit nila. Kaya daw nila yon ginagawa dahil “nagpapakatotoo” sila sa tunay nilang nararamdaman. Ang pagiging totoo ba’y sapat na dahilan upang makasakit ng kapwa?

Para sa akin, ang makasakit ka ng ibang tao kahit sa pamamagitan lamang ng pananalita ay hindi tama. Okay, maaring nauna siya. May nasabi siyang hindi kanais-nais na kinagalit mo. But you have choices. 1) restrain your anger or 2) retaliate. Unfortunately, some of us seem to equate choice number 2 to “pagpapakatotoo”. Without knowing it, “pagpapakatotoo” becomes an excuse for being rude and disrespectful. Justifying a wrong-doing by trying to appear virtuous.

If your definition of “pagpapakatotoo” (being genuine, not fake) is unrestrained expression of anger then I suggest a carefully look at your values. Perhaps, a few sessions in anger management may help too. Or, simply think of the times you’ve done something wrong that made your parents angry. I'm sure you'ld rather have them forgive you, than see them “nagpapakatotoo”, do you?

Anger can be restrained or vented freely. Free-will means you're free to do whatever you want. But if you choose to do something negative, you must be mature enough to admit to it and not rationalize the action using an excuse that you're doing it out of virtue. Better yet learn to control your anger and be civil to everyone including those who caused you anger in the first place.

You don't have to act fake, plastic or sarcastic towards people you detest. All it means is that you avoid being rude and disrespectful. Actually, it's not difficult. If you see a comment that annoyed you, don't reply immediately. Sleep on it first. The following day or days, when most of the anger would have dissipated and you're less emotional, any comment you write would then be more logical and constructive.

Peace and goodwill po sa inyong lahat. Susunod na Lunes, Pasko na.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Thoughts about The Lake House, Soulmates

We watched this movie, The Lake House, on DVD last week. It stars Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

Plot: A lonely doctor (Sandra), once occupied an unusual lakeside home begins exchanging love letters with its former resident, a frustrated architect (Keanu). What’s extraordinary about the story is that Sandra’s time is 2006, Keanu’s 2004, but still by some sort of magic were able to correspond in real-time and the two fall in love.

I’ve read lots of negative reviews about the movie saying the plot is ludicrous, lots of nonsense, illogical, incredible, cheesy, corny, and insultingly dumb. Pretty sure it was a flop.

However, I must admit I did quite enjoy watching it. Probably it depends on how one chooses to interpret the details. If one interprets the story literally, then yes, it is incredibly hard to believe. However, if one interprets it figuratively or metaphorically, then it's easier to appreciate what the director may have wanted to convey.

For instance, for the house by the lake, one may think of it methaphorically and not a physical address. It could be virtual, imagined or even an address in cyberspace. In the movie, Sandra and Keanu exchange letters magically via a physical mailbox. Yes, that’s hard to believe. Yet nowadays, it's ordinary to receive emails in our inboxes in almost real-time.

The two-years gap between the two lovers could symbolize age difference. Or the director’s way of conveying how two people can be in love even when it is impossible for them to unite physically. Impossible maybe because of present circumstances beyond their control, or because of events that transpired in the past and affected the present.

Oh well, like the movie or not, I simply think of it as the story of two soulmates finding each other no matter what.


Speaking of soulmate, is there really such a thing? Are there souls literally fated to be mates to each other?

When we think of a soulmate, we normally associate the term to someone’s true love, or someone that affects another person in a positive, loving way. But checking Wikipedia, I found out that it is possible for a soulmate to also inflict injury to their twin flame.

Soulmate Emotional Destruction Theory

Ultimately the consequence of this notion is the unfortunate reality that soulmates often possess the ability to inflict serious emotional injury unto their twin flame, greater than any other being could. This often results in the separation of idealized love, due to the severe emotional impact. Many soulmates are destined for an eternal search, not for lack of meeting, but rather lack of acceptance. The encounter is often analogous to the collision of matter and antimatter, a violent explosive reaction will occur, but if held through to completion only pure energy, and thus harmony, will result. Unfortunately few encounters are held through to completion. - Wikipedia

I thought that was quite interesting. Whatever the case maybe, I’m sure of one thing. I’ve found my soulmate.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Bullying in School

Bullying is when someone, (could be one person or a group of persons) repeatedly does some mean things on another person in order to have power over that person. These could be by saying or writing nasty things about them, harassing them, threatening them, hitting them, not talking to them, stealing from them, damaging their properties, making fun of them, humiliating them, spreading lies about them.

I remember during my high school days (many decades ago!) bullying wasn’t that vicious. A lot of the things we did, we did mostly as a joke to make others laugh. It was normal for us to call each other names like “doro” (laki kasi mata), “barag” (mukhang lizard), “kokak” (mukhang palaka), “baluga” (maitim kasi), “Tange” (look alike nung comedian na si Tange), “bagsik” (mabagsik kasi ang B.O.).

I think the meanest thing, a group of my classmates did back then, was to steal the sandwich baon of one classmate. These group of mischievous juveniles would slip out of class before recess and ransack the bag of another classmate and eat his baon. They kept doing it for days. Until finally, this classmate whose sandwiches were being stolen decided to put some “flavoring” in his sandwiches. He put in some “butiki droppings”. Only then that these group stopped harassing the poor guy.

Talking to my daughter lately, I’ve realized bullying nowadays like most things have gone high-tech. People now stopped passing pieces of paper containing nasty messages about someone else. Instead they leave nasty TXT messages or leave malicious remarks on the website of the person they’re attacking.

Also just recently I came to realize that bullying is not only among students. In fact a most likely victim of bullying nowadays is a teacher. Especially if the teacher comes from a different cultural background, has a thick Asian accent or has difficulty with the English language. Students can be so mean to a teacher without realizing that they are already bullying the teacher.

I felt sorry for one of my daughter’s teachers who my daughter said was really a good teacher. What happened is that a group of pupils, acting like spoiled brats, were often disruptive, disrespectful, and made fun of the teacher’s Hongkong accent.

The poor teacher eventually quit his job and decided to go back to HK; never to teach children anymore. It’s sad when one’s vocation, especially that of being an educator to the youth gets stifled for no good reason. A casualty to a despicable social behaviour we should all do without.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Prize Giving Ceremony

Last night we went to my daughter’s school to attend what they call “End of Year Prize Giving Ceremony” for the senior school (Years 11, 12 and 13). This is when the school gives out awards to students who excelled in academics, arts, sports, music, etc. during the year. It is also the last official school function to be attended by the Year 13 students. Year 13 is roughly equivalent to 2nd year college in the Philippines. After Year 13, students move on to University. Si Fidez, Year 11 pa lang. Kaya lang siya kasama kasi may award siya.

Sa atin ang ang katapat nitong ceremony na ito Graduation. Maraming pagkakaiba ang graduation nila dito compared sa atin. Dito walang fanfare. Students come in their usual school uniforms. Kahit yung mga Year 13 na gagradweyt, naka school uniform lang, hindi naka-toga. Parents and visitors come in their usual everyday office or business clothes.

Students who are bestowed awards are given certificates or plaques, or cups (parang trophy). Walang sinsabitan ng medals. At kapag tinawag ang estudyante para kunin ang award siya lang ang aakyat sa stage. Hindi kasama ang parents. Kami nanonood lang at taga-palakpak. Wala ring mga paparazzi na nagkokodak sa harapan.

Wala ring mga magarbong intermission numbers na kung saan may sasayaw, kakanta, tutula nang mahabang-mahaba. Ang intermission meron lang kagabi, tumugtog ng classical music ang orchestra, tapos may isang nag-flute na solo. Very dry, simple lang. Kaya naman in 1 hour and a half tapos na ang seremonyas.

Fidez was one of those in Year 11 who were given Academic Honours Award. It’s the highest award given to those who got 90 and above across 6 subjects. For this award, she received a certificate and a $30 book voucher. She was disappointed. She would have preferred a beauty products voucher instead. Mana talaga sa akin. Yung talino lang ha, hindi yung hilig sa beauty products.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Why is it Brilliant?

I felt suddenly sentimental hearing this song over the radio. However, reading/listening to the lyrics closely, I do really wonder why the singer could say life is brilliant. Because if it was me in the situation, I'ld say life sucks, or love hurts. What do you think?

You're Beautiful
by James Blunt

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flyin' high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la
la la la la la la

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

The song is dedicated to my "long lost but now found" friend.


Monday, December 04, 2006

News Flash: NewJobz leaves migrants short of $600,000

I knew something wasn't right about this company when I wrote about it in this blog. See Bagong Raket ni Kaloy. When I wrote about it, nag-re-refund pa sila ng mga ibinayad ng mga members. Ngayon, sorry daw sa mga nagbayad. Wala ng refund.



Reference http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3887200a11,00.html

Recruitment company leaves migrants short of $600,000
04 December 2006
By MARTIN VAN BEYNEN

A Christchurch recruitment company owes 229 potential migrants about $600,000, after reneging on its refund policy.

Stu Macann and Associates Ltd, based in New Brighton, closed last month, but two of its three directors continue the migrant recruitment business under a newly formed company, Skills New Zealand Ltd.

Local creditors have also missed out, but 229 potential migrants, many from Third World countries, are owed $600,000 in refunds.

Stu Macann and Associates Ltd started in 2003 with the aim of giving potential migrants an online service (newjobz) to help them secure a job offer in New Zealand which would help them gain residency. It claims to have helped settle 225 migrant families in New Zealand. Clients paid a fee of about $3000, which was fully refundable if a suitable job offer was not forthcoming.

About eight months ago, the company hit financial trouble, and last week Stu Macann and Associates Ltd ceased trading, although the operation, with a reduced staff, has carried on under Skills New Zealand Ltd.

Skills New Zealand Ltd is owned and run by Christchurch businessmen Keith Lightfoot and Stu Macann, both of whom were also directors and shareholders of Stu Macann and Associates.

Suresh Antil, a pharmacist, 50, who lives just outside New Delhi, in India, was one those caught up in the company failure.

In August, he asked for his money back he paid a $3000 fee of which $2000 was refundable and in October, Lightfoot sent Antil a letter promising to pay by December 15.

However, on November 22, Antil was informed Stu Macann and Associates had ceased trading, and that the new company continuing the business would not honour the refund undertaking.

Antil's daughter, Mahima Sahrawat, who emigrated to New Zealand with her husband, Arun, three years ago, said her father had borrowed the money for the fee, and would now struggle to pay it back. The $3000 fee was equal to her father's yearly salary.


"It's very much money for my father. He is still paying very heavy interest on the loan."

Lightfoot told The Press the original company was facing liquidation, because of financial troubles, and it had taken legal advice on how it should proceed.

The refund policy had undermined the company, and made it unsustainable, he said.

"We said we'll get you a job or your money back, which was a fantastically charitable thing to say, looking back. But we did, and we have been very successful in placing a lot of people into New Zealand.

"Eight months ago we realised the policy was causing us some problems, because people were taking advantage of it. We were paying out money to people who had used our services for 18 months. They used our time, our energy, our job-searching programme, and then asked for a refund," he said.

Some had been offered 17 jobs, but had turned them all down, and some turned down a job and then moved to New Zealand to take up the job. A total of $1.6 million had been refunded to 667 clients, he said.

"We understand why you are talking to us. We have lost personally. We believe we are doing the right thing by the migrants and always have done. We don't feel in any way we have done anything wrong except we understand we wrote a contract which we did not honour and that's that."

He agreed it was not a good look for New Zealand, but "we do not feel we have let the side down".

"We are extraordinarily unhappy about what's happened here. It's been an emotional drain on us all."

Skills New Zealand Ltd would continue to work for the clients who wanted to stay with the firm but no refunds would be given.

A statement on the company's website that it was a "registered immigration agent" was not misleading, despite the fact the firm was not on any immigration agent register, he said.

"We are registered as much as anyone else is registered. The process of registration is going through right now with Immigration New Zealand and we're part of that registration process."

Immigration New Zealand was happy for firms like his to call themselves registered immigration agents, until the "certification" was sorted out, he said.

The Labour Department's deputy secretary, Mary Anne Thompson, said: "As there is currently no authority that oversees the registration of immigration advisers, agents cannot call themselves regis-tered agents."

The Immigration Advisers Licensing Bill, which was wait-ing to be passed into legis-lation, would create a licensing authority within the Depart-ment of Labour to administer a licensing regime, she said.

Lightfoot said local creditors were also left owed money by the company change and 21 staff had been made redundant.

Bernard Walsh, chairman of the New Zealand Association for Migration and Investment, said his organisation deplored any actions that brought the nation's immigration system into disrepute. "Certainly, what has happened here will reflect very badly on New Zealand."

Any person who has information relevant to this story is asked to email martin.vanbeynen@press.co.nz or ring 027 220 4453.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Remembering The Little Prince

He was standing before a garden, all a-bloom with roses.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

“Good morning,” said the roses.

The little prince gazed at them. They all looked like his flower.

“Who are you?” he demanded, thunderstruck.

“We are roses,” the roses said.

And he was overcome with sadness. His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe. And here were five thousand of them, all alike, in one single garden!

“She would be very much annoyed,” he said to himself, “if she should see that ... She would cough most dreadfully, and she would pretend that she was dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I should be obliged to pretend that I was nursing her back to life--for if I did not do that, to humble myself also, she would really allow herself to die...”

Then he went on with his reflections: “I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose. A common rose, and three volcanoes that come up to my knees--and one of them perhaps extinct forever... That doesn't make me a very great prince...”

And he lay down in the grass and cried.

:
:
:
:
:
:

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”

And the roses were very much embarassed.

“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox.

“Goodbye,” he said.

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”

From Chapters 20 and 21 of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry



On average, men are expected to live ‘til age 70. That’s 25550 days total. If one meets just say 10 new people, on average, everyday, after 25k days one would have met over quarter of a million people. If you’re 35 years old now, that means you would have met around half of quarter of a million. Now, if someone asks you to list down all the names of all the people you’ve met from childhood to the present day, do you think it will be near the 125,000 mark? If I did that, I’m sure my list wouldn’t even reach a thousand.

Because the truth is, although we meet lots and lots of people everyday, only few of those meetings we put any degree of significance. And just like the Little Prince who meets a hedge of roses, glowing in beauty and radiance and all vying for his attention, his affection remained on one particularly obstinate, lowly rose, left behind in a far away place.

I feel like we are all Little Princes and Princesses moving from place to place, searching for knowledge, meeting lots of interesting and not so interesting people, experiencing various emotions, looking for home, searching for love, ... hopefully ... finding that unique rose.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Being Indispensable

In the modern era, a lot of businesses wouldn’t function properly without the support of an IT (Information Technology) infrastructure. IT people, me included, are often in the backroom somewhere supporting, enhancing, and maintaining mission critical systems that keep a business going. Some systems are so vital that any malfunction could amount to millions of dollars in losses or even the business to collapse.

It is not surprising, therefore, for lots of IT people to feel important. A developer of a business application program knows the ins and outs of the system. Knows how it works and how each piece ties together in order to deliver a solution. That knowledge sometimes makes a developer feel god-like. Sa isipan ng programmer, hindi aandar ang sistema kung wala siya o sibakin siya sa trabaho. This is one reason why some programmers have that air of over-confidence in themselves. They feel secured na hindi sila basta-basta sisisantihin sa trabaho. But is this over-confidence warranted?

I’m afraid not. The fact remains, no one is indispensable. The business may suffer momentarily with the loss of a staff member critical to its operations. But that’s only temporary. The business have ways to circumvent difficulties. Should the computer program that you wrote and supported for years cease to function, the business will simply try and find other programs that will do the same thing. Worst case, things can be done manually. Slow maybe, but still the business will cope and survive.

I say this because I once had that attitude that I was indispensable. Until one day, because of a contract dispute, the boss simply fired me along with a few others. So what happened to the IT projects we started? Nothing. It’s like they just reformatted the hard drive. The company hired new people and started all over again.

The moral of the story is do not over-rate yourself to the point of thinking you are indispensable. No one is. Not even George W or GMA is indispensable. Ooops, bad examples. But I’m sure you get my drift. Be humble with your accomplishments and not feel superior to others. With or without you, life will go on.

PS. Today I just handed in my resignation to join a company over at the Northshore early next year. My boss said, he was reluctantly accepting my resignation and wished me well in my future work. See what I mean, hindi man lang ako pinigilan. Sabihin ko kaya sa kanya na nagbibiro lang ako?


Monday, November 27, 2006

This could happen to you!

I felt my bladder about to explode as I came barging into the nearest toilet. At the doorway I began unzipping my fly as I felt a few drops started to trickle through my underwear. Finally, I was standing in front of this white porcelain urinal holding my member; allowing the faint yellow liquid ooze freely down the drain. Ohhh what a relief!

I must have drunk a lot 'cause I noticed it was taking an incredibly long time to drain my bladder and a queue of people started lining up patiently behind me. But I don’t care. I was taking my time and I even closed my eyes to further relish the sensation.

It was in the middle of enjoying this private pleasure when all of a sudden, my cellphone started ringing. Soft ringtone at first but progressively getting louder and louder and annoying at that.

I could sense the people around all staring at me. Somehow I could read their thoughts. One guy was thinking: “is he going to stop and answer the phone?”. Another guy was asking himself: “can he answer the phone by holding it in one hand while the other holding his penis?

My eyes were still shut when the guy behind me remarked: “Perfect timing!”. Then I heard the people around me started to chuckle... A few moments later, it erupted to roaring laughter.

That’s when I turned around, opened my eyes and realized to my relief - thank goodness it was only a dream. By the bedside was my alarm clock ringing and not my cell phone. Pheeew! I thought that would have been embarrassing. Now just one small problem -- explaining to mum why the bed is wet.

Ang kwentong ito ay kathang-isip po lamang at ang tanging layunin ay upang balaan ang mga kalalakihan sa posibleng magananp kapag ang cellphone ay naka-on habang jumi-jingle.


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.”

The post below was a comment I received in VFSMovement from a reader named Peter Vajda. It is such an incisive analysis about blogging and the reasons why some bloggers are disrespectful, negative and uncivil, that I thought it would be a waste if I don't share it with other bloggers. I thank Peter for allowing me to reproduce it here. Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. is Co-Founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company dedicated to “Essential Well-Being” for body, mind and spirit.

Blogging, Incivility and Negativity

Social scientists, socioeconomists, and social psychologists are increasingly pointing to the fact that the social mood in the United States, and across the world’s culture and civilization is turning bad and that overall social mood is going to get a lot worse before improving. Research graphs and diagrams, such as the Elliot Wave Principle, underscore the finding that there is a natural ebb and flow of social mood (positive vs. negative) and that darker times, socially and politically, lie ahead of us, creating increased tension and negativity. Nowhere is this negative mood more evident than in the blogosphere where incivility, disrespect, meanness, bullying, and demeaning behavior rule the day, and the posts. What is it that accounts for this negativity among bloggers and what can be done to perhaps soothe and diminish their high degree of vitriol, rancor, meanness, incivility and disrespect?

I've followed the negativity of blog discussions mainly from the perspective of being curious about the nature of the interactions where the behaviors are as interesting, if not more so, than the content.

There’s no question passion drives many a blogger’s interactions. Unfortunately, passion is often used as an “excuse” (it’s never a “reason”) to treat another blogger disrespectfully or in an uncivil manner.

Curiously enough, research also points to increases in the number of heart attacks, cancer incidents, obesity rates, diabetes, suicides, spousal abuse incidents, etc. What’s the connection?

Whether it’s an increase in incivility or in life-threatening illness and disease, these statistics do not mean that I have to engage in anti-social or self-destructive behavior.

I can choose what behaviors support me to live a healthy lifestyle and which don't. The same reasoning is true for whether I choose to be civil or uncivil, respectful or disrespectful, hurtful and harmful or compassionate and understanding in my relationships and interactions, on blogs, that is, in how I choose to show up in the world.

Shakespeare said, "An event is neither good nor bad, only thinking makes it so." So, why is one’s "thinking" so negative? What belief systems, mental models of the world and people in the world, assumptions, misconceptions, misperceptions does one have hard-wired into their brain that bring one to reactivity, to negativity in the face of just, well, “words”?

So, with respect to how I show up in the blogosphere, the bottom line is the degree to which I am "conscious" — whether I am consciously aware of “how I am” and “who I am” while blogging, and relating to others in a blog community, or am I “unconscious”, being reactive, with no conscious thought of how I am behaving.

In our current culture in the U.S. where most folks are obsessed with ego needs for control, recognition and security, it's no wonder that most folks' thoughts are "killing thoughts" as opposed to "healing thoughts." The mantra underlying most of our interactions and interrelationships is: “It’s all about me! Out of my way!”

Moreover, in a culture where many folks gain their sense of identity ("who I am") from a direct association with their "knowledge and information" (the database in their brain), it's no surprise that much of the incivility and reactivity on blogs comes from the perspective that: "When you disagree with my information, well, you disagree with me", and because such disagreement is just too much of a hit to many folks' egos, they react (fight, as opposed to flee or freeze). Agreeing to disagree and engaging in constructive dialogue are fast becoming a lost art forms in Western culture.

When folks are "unconscious" of “how they are” and “who they are”, when folks are unable or unwilling to engage in self-reflection, their tendency is to associate and behave with a herd mentality — witness the vitriol, the high-pitch ever-escalating level of disrespect, sarcasm (in the guise of "humor"), mocking, bullying, that is taking the place on blogs.

Much of the negative and disrespectful exchanges in blogs has to do with how one relates to another human being. Life is relationship — the manner in which one chooses to, consciously or unconsciously, relate to, "meet", "see" and accept another person. What’s happening in the blogosphere is a manifestation of a blogger’s internal conflict that manifests as a failure to relate to another individual in an accepting, compassionate, respectful manner that transcends simple "exchange of knowledge and information."

So, while the research is what it is, that does not mean one cannot consciously choose how one wants to be in relationship, in dialogue, in conversation when blogging.

So, how does one become more conscious of one’s blogging behaviors? How does one become conscious of what’s driving one’s negative blogging behavior? By consciously considering what’s underneath one’s need to be uncivil, mean, disrespectful, and demeaning.

There are two underlying drivers for much of the negative interactions on blogs. These two drivers are characterized as: (1) "It's not about the information or content”, and (2) "It's all about the information or content."

1. It's not about the content

From this perspective, what is occurring is the need for an individual blogger to resort to a verbally abusive and bullying approach in an effort to make a "connection" with another person. For other bloggers, the need is to first engage, and then disengage, then engage and disengage, as in a "love-hate" relationship, in order to stay in the game.

In the arena of psychodynamics or ego psychology, both of these behaviors are referred to as "negative merging." In some relationships, the only way two people can "merge" or have any semblance of “connectivity” (e.g., mental, emotional,, psychological, social, etc.) is by fighting or arguing. Without the fighting or arguing, there would be no connectivity, no relating. Thus, the need to bully, argue, demean, find fault, nit-pick, etc., supports a blogger to feel engaged and “merged.” It gives the blogger a sense of “belonging”, being psychologically and emotionally connected. It really has nothing to do with the "information" being discussed or exchanged.

Rather, the negative and uncivil behavior is about connecting and needing to feel "seen" and "heard", in other words, to feel that the blogger is actually “somebody” as opposed to being a “nobody.” Unless the blogger feels they are somebody, they feel they have no sense of value or worth. The only downside is that playing out of this need to be “seen” comes from a deeper place of anger, fear and negativity.

In “negatively merged” relationships, real and true, mature, heartfelt acceptance, approval, and satisfaction are lacking. So, the only way the two or more bloggers can experience any “false” connection at all is from this place of negative engagement, often it's in the form of poking, being disrespectful, being uncivil, nit-picking, finding fault, etc. .

In “negative-merged” relationships, such back-and-forth behavior, and childish emotional acting out, becomes the sole source of contact between bloggers. The bottom line is that in negative-merged relationships, negative contact is better than no contact at all.

So content aside, two or more such bloggers are no different than a couple who, lacking any real heartfelt, mature, adult-level connectivity, resort to arguing and fighting over how to stack the dishes in the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or vacuum the car, or slice the turkey. At the end of the day, for negatively merged bloggers, it's never really about the "content". It's about the need to be "seen" and connect when there's no true feeling of connectedness.

Until and unless a “negative-merged” inclined blogger expands their awareness and explores what's really "underneath" their need to be negative, uncivil and disrespectful, (i.e., by consciously exploring their limiting self-images, beliefs, preconceptions, "hard wiring" about how they view their self vis-à-vis being in the world and relating to others), there's probably never going to be any change or transformation of that blogger’s behavior. So, they'll fight, lick their wounds, go away and come back to fight another day on another blog, always at another's throat, always argumentative, bickering, poking, criticizing. Why? It's the only way they know how to "connect."

2. Content is everything.

The ego-personality is driven by one's Inner Judge and Critic, the inner voice that continually creates drama and upset in our lives, that never allows us to truly feel at peace with ourselves. The inner judge and critic is driven by three major ego needs: control, security and recognition.

Driven consistently and relentlessly by these three needs, many of us derive our identity, that is, "who I think I am", and "who I take myself to be" from external things, as opposed to experiencing ourselves with integrity and authenticity that arises from being in touch with our Inner Nature, our True and Real Self, from what’s "inside".

One of the externals from which people gain a sense of their identify is their “information.” For these folks, their mantra is "I am my information." In other words, my identity, who I am, is defined on what I have in my brain, my database. I live in my mind, and my mind defines me as a person.

Coming from this mental place, then, in a blogging environment, what happens when someone disagrees with an “information identity” blogger, is that the “information identity” blogger is unable and unwilling to see the other’s response as a simple perspective, or point of view, or as just “different from me.” Rather, the “information identity” blogger has a need to react, to become defensive and critical and take the other’s information as a personal affront and as a personal and “attack on me.”

In our culture of right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, win vs. lose, me vs. you, for many bloggers there is little to no room for acceptance of differences, i.e., "different information". Rather, there’s more of a need for many bloggers to engage in some type of escalating “ad hominem” attack so that the “information identity” blogger can survive, live, and not lose their identity. The “information identity” blogger survives by meeting their need to “be right" in some way, shape or form.

And so when these “information identity” bloggers feel attacked because another blogger has presented "different information", or disagreed with them, they emotionally feel out of control, insecure, and unrecognized, unseen. Their internal, unconscious reaction is: "My God, I have no identity if my information is "wrong'. I need to fight back and save my self.”

In this state of (often unconscious) reactivity characterized by anger, fear, worry, resentment, defensiveness, feeling "small", unseen, invisible, unrecognized, unappreciated, being resistant, defensive and agitated, and feeling a loss of control, recognition or emotional security, some bloggers act out so they can feel and see themselves as big, large, as “somebody” with an identity.

”Information identity” bloggers might be surprised if they were to explore why they need to act out and sting, poke, demean and bully others, why they need to attack, defend and counter-attack, why they are so caught up in identifying with "my information."

What happens in the blogosphere is really no different from what happens between and among individuals and couples every day, at work, at home and at play, i.e., occurrences of the same behaviors that manifest when folks allow their ego-personalities and "comparative-judgmental minds" to get in the way of a healthy relationship, a healthy dialogue, a healthy interaction. The dynamic here with the “information identity: blogger, is that they are being by their need for control, recognition and security as opposed to allowing their self to coming from one's inner plane where one can be perfectly comfortable with who one is and where one is without needing to be right and without depending on one’s information as the source of who they are.

The poking, the disrespect, the vitriol and incivility are all about resistance, denial and projecting. It's all about not being "consciously conscious of "Who I am" and "How I am" in relationship; so the negativity comes from one's locking on to cruise control, being "unconscious" and simply reacting to everything happening "outside". It's about needing to look "outside" for what's lacking "inside."

While some may view ad hominem attacks, rudeness, disrespect, poking, bullying and negative behaviors as "common" in today’s discussions and relationships, they are not, neither for children nor for adults, and sometimes, in the blogosphere, it's hard to tell the difference. Reactive elements cause mental, emotional and even physical pain, and discomfort and for the actual and lurking "ringside" participants and observers, even though they may not even be aware of it. The discord does take a toll, one way or another.

Where some lurkers would honestly and sincerely like to offer their perspectives in a safe environment, they are often wary of doing so as they don’t want to come up against bloggers whose need is to "take it personally" and who react to "different" takes and information in a negative, poking, rejecting manner. It’s the “information identity” bloggers who make many blogs unsafe for so many others who have worthy contributions to make.

So, The negativity is an attempt to fill this hole of deficiency, thinking that spending time and energy being critical, judgmental, demeaning and disrespectful of others will somehow make me feel "better" at the expense of those who I am stepping on and over in my attempts to get to the top of some ladder (financial, social professional, etc.) that will make me feel like "somebody."

So, what can bloggers do to ensure a more inclusive, safe, mutually-respective container for adult-adult dialogue and reduce the intense degree of negativity that permeates so much of the blogosphere?

Perhaps bloggers can envision and then act to create an environment where one can notice, accept and appreciate the uniqueness of another blogger’s perspective without automatically jumping on the "me vs. you", "right vs. wrong", "good vs. bad" "expert vs. novice", “intelligent vs. stupid” continuum.

Perhaps bloggers can take some time to move out of their intellectual zip code of ”It’s all about what I know.” and explore the perhaps, more foreign, landscape of non-violent communication to enhance the quality of some of their interactions, even approaching discussions with the curiosity of a “beginner’s mind”, a neutral mind.

Perhaps bloggers can take a deep breath, sense into their bodies and experience their feelings and emotions, before responding to a post and consciously ask themselves, “Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person like me consciously choose to be disrespectful, uncivil and harm another person simply because their "information" is different from my "information."

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.” So, if you are engaging in uncivil, disrespectful, demeaning behaviors as a blogger, don’t wait for others to change their tone and tenor. It starts with you.

As Rumi says, "Out beyond right doing and wrong doing, there is a field; I'll meet you there." Come from that place in your blogs and interact from that part of yourself that is respectful, accepting, compassionate, empathic, and inclusive.

Bloggers can choose to play in that field with their colleagues; or they can choose to create and fight in a battlefield of words, of ego, hostility and lost identity. One brings happiness, collegiality, contentment and well-being; the other brings pain and suffering, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.

Incivility and negativity are all about "resistance" to someone or something “out there” with which one feels uncomfortable. Incivility and negativity are all about being "unconscious” of how one is in relationship. Incivility and negativity are all about the ego’s need for control, recognition and security and being unwilling to go “inside” and explore why one needs to hurt, be verbally abusive, and disrespect another. Incivility and negativity are largely about the mantras: “I’d rather be right than happy." Or, "I have to be somebody at the expense of being seen as a nobody."

Life, after all, is choices. Do I choose to be reactive, hurtful, negative and uncivil? Why? Really, really, really, why?

(c) 2006, Peter Vajda, Ph.D., C.P.C.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Bloody Stupid!

Warning: Stupidity can be hazardous to your health!
A man goes inside a gun shop. Takes out a machete hidden in his jacket and demands the shop owner for guns threatening to attack him with the machete. The owner then pulls out a gun from underneath his drawer and warns the man to put down the machete or he’ll shoot. Instead of backing off, the intruder tried to advance and consequently was shot once in the stomach.

The man didn’t die. Unfortunately! He was later charged with assault with intent to rob. For his stupidity I say he deserves to be shot 10 times in the head to spill his useless brains out of his thick skull. How much more dumb can a person get? Holding up a gun shop with a machete! He might as well have used a fly swatter. At least that would have caused the owner to die laughing.

Warning: Stupidity can be communicable!
If you think the man was stupid then you don’t know anything about (in)justice NZ-style. Listen to this, the owner of the shop who shot the intruder was charged by the Police with unlawful possession of firearm. Yes, you heard it right. A gun shop owner, while inside his own shop is charged with possessing a firearm! Maybe, dealing with stupid criminals also makes the Police stupid.

Good citizens, even when attacked are discouraged from harming the attacker. Kiwis can be so kind and compassionate to a fault. But some (only a few) just plain stupid.

Read the news story here.



Thursday, November 16, 2006

Of Equal Treatment

I’ve read the story of Edgar Padlan, the Immigration Officer who allowed a foreigner to jump the line of passengers at the NAIA queuing in front of the Immigration counters. Luli Arroyo, GMA’s daughter, then noticed this and asked Padlan why the foreigner was being given special treatment. Padlan, not realizing it was the President’s